A New Way to Satisfy Your Couriousity

After a crazy week, I recieved an exciting email from my good friend, Kristine Reed, who always makes me smile... She does a lot of cool things on the web, and since I also like to write, and currently need an outlet, I thought blogspot could be a great tool for updating friends and family. I wish I had more time to call up family and friends, just to catch up. But with five jobs and funky schedules, it makes simple chatting a comodity that gets put on hold all too often, if you ask me, Ms. Social Chatterbox. :o)

Now the daunting question I ask myself is: Where do I begin?

Western. That's a hot topic for me. And most of you know why... I'll skip those "fun" details and move onto the positive Western experience that is currently underway. God is really testing me to make sure that I trust Him...fully. :o)

This week has been all about letting go and letting God. But as He reminds me, "letting go" does not mean worrying in your bedroom, procrasinating with fear on your mind, or giving up all effort. No, letting go means giving up ultimate control. I'm finding that I am a control freak when it comes to my teaching career. I got so close before, and then doors seemed to slam in my face. It's hard to knock again after a door has been slammed shut. But, God has also been slowly revealing His purpose for that, and, has opened many more doors.

Doors I never thought I would go into, and doors that He knows I would not have even glanced at if the student teaching door hadn't closed in 2006. For example, I love preschoolers! And I never would have guessed that I would enjoy working with them four times a week for two years. My first thoughts of preschoolers used to only include all of the little tasks I would have to be doing over and over every day... potty training, tying shoes, terrible twos... or threes...or fours... But God showed me!

Yes, there are all of those little annoyances, but that's nothin' when you mix in the payoff of teaching polite words, social skills, motor skills, how to pay attention, learning through play, discovery, and oh, the HUMOR preschoolers bring! They crack me up! And sometimes, I crack them up too... :o) God is also building my confidence in Him by encouraging me through teachers, paraeducators, and other paraprofessionals in education - When educators enourage me, I tend to believe them more. Hmm, go figure. He is also warning me against listening to gossip, and now I know that "keeping my mouth shut" is an actual option. (Yeah, I know you knew that for a while now... I have been praying that my "inner monologue" would remain "inner" when necessary.)

So now my big questions are:

Will I be allowed to keep my position at ECEAP in Lake Stevens while attending WWU in the spring for two weekdays/week? If so, on what conditions? and if not, does God want me to continue working for the district? If so, on what level? Subbing for paraeducators? Subbing for certified teachers? What exactly will I be able to handle without triggering migraines (I'm on a preventative migraine medicine now that is really helping... thank God!)?

Will I need to continue with a second job? Yeah, probably. Where? How far will I be able to commute every day? Will finances be sufficient? Again with the trust issue... God says He will provide. I need to believe Him. Everyday. When I look at all He has blessed Josh and I with, I know that He does provide and He will provide. I also know He can take it all away with a word. I need to know it in my heart before looking for "proof." I need to stop expecting God to prove Himself. How long will I toil in anxiety? I will appear nuts to the world if I "simply" trust God. But why do I want to please the world so badly, when God warns us about the world? Who do I really want to please... God or The World? God! The question frustrates me.

I need more time in His word everyday, without excuses, tiredness or guilt for sitting down while the world nags at me NOT to SLOW d...o...w...n and continues spinning confusion and doubt around me. Why can't I just STOP and listen. I'm tired of hearing my own thoughts, because they are usually all worry, which is the opposite of trusting God! Really...

There you have it, my thougths coming directly from my mind, through my fingertips and onto the screen. That's what happens when I let my guard down. I could tell you what worries me about that too...but I will spare you.

Please pray for me to trust in God, to take the steps in a day that He directs me to take and to erase confusion, doubt and the lies of the enemy from my ears and thougths. The enemy is not welcome! And it's time I put my foot down again. It's time for the snake to "sit on a tack, sit on a tack, sit on a tack, OUCH!" I will not be afraid to "let it shine, let it shine, let it shine." See, Sunday school really does pay off!

Well, how confusing and entertaining was it to read the going-ons of my mind?

:o) More later. This really helped. Thank you for reading and for your prayers. I miss you all very much and long for the possibility of more time apart from working long hours... Please email me and/or Josh through mrsrachelmarie@gmail.com or jjwswim99@gmail.com. We would love to hear from you, pray for you and encourage you.